Sometimes I scare myself

In my dark times, I scare myself. I conjure up things, images, acts that I wish I could play but know I wouldn't. I dart back and forth between the lines, when I complain about how you're not emotional. My nails pull at your hair, ripping out follicles. I secretly melt and shudder at the thought of your eyes wet with tears and your face red from me slapping you. 

I get intoxicated at the thought of you digging your nails into my flesh, leaving half crescent moons into the meat of my arms. Slamming me against the wall, crying out in fear and excitement as your fists pound on the wall. Whimpering as you yell at me in controlled anger. On impulse, I'd smirk at the fact you lost control and I made you feel this way. 

This never happens however. You simply shake your head at my statement and turn away, as I try to goad you on your lack of emotion.

I wish

I like it fast, I like it slow. Sometimes I want to be held down. Blindfolded with cloth and bondage tape. Teasing  my lips with your tongue. Turning me over, pressing your face into my folds. My hands are tied and I can't pull you forward. All I can do is wriggle my hips, hoping for some leverage as your tongue works its magic on my clit.

Annoyed

I've been looking at things while some what masturbating. Or rather, I'd start to but then would fall asleep. That's how bad it's been for me.

I caught myself thinking of what I'd tell the  future guy that I'm dating. We'd probably have a fight where I'd tell him that I want more. He'd stare at me with his kissable, lips and sexy eyes. "What is it that you want from me?" I'd look down for a moment, before lightly coughing. In my mind, I'd say the following .
   "I like it when you rub your cock against my pussy lips. The way you gently massage my lips, before sliding into my drenched pussy. I love it when you sigh as you try to not come right away. I want you to tell me how I make you feel. I love it when you're grunting because I'm so wet and tight. How tight was my pussy last night?"
My question  would catch him off guard. But I'm too much of a chicken to ask a question like that. Especially while sober. The only thing I'd manage to say is, "I don't know."

Are they asleep

Here are some more fantasies that have traveled through my head.

Are they asleep?

    I was invited to camp out with my friends and Nick, my very sexual fuck buddy. I decided to go as it would bring me closer to nature and personally, I've never been fucked in the wilderness. Four mosquito bites, a tick on my left ear and Nick having to leave mid-dry hump so he wouldn't get caught, I regretted my decision. But I knew that something would happen if I waited. Little did I know that it would happen the last day. I was sitting on my bed when Nicky walked by the open door.
     Looking to his left and right, he slipped into the room with a smirk. I rolled my eyes as he sauntered towards me. His tan arms wrapped around me as his lips found my neck and face. I moaned as his jeans met the wet spot between my legs. We both shuddered as hands pulled at the sheets. Laughing silently, we crawled beneath the bed sheets, then kissed passionately as he lifted my shirt and kissed my breast. I gasped as he fingers unhooked my bra and his tongue found my nipple. My hands grazed his bulge before unbuckling his belt.

"Turn over" He whispered. "I want to do it from the back."
I flipped over, as he brought his body close to mine. He stroked his cock near my lips and I inhaled as his slowly entered me.
"Mmm..." I murmured before hearing my roommates enter the room.  Marie. Oh God, it would be Marie. Couldn't have been Kelli, but Marie, whose bed is right of mine.

"Oh God, not you two cuddling. I swear to God. Everyone is either cuddling or fucking." she remarked as she walked to her bed, merely inches from ours.
"What's wrong with cuddling?" Nicky asked as he slowly pulled my hips down. I could feel the smirk as Marie answered unaware of what we were doing.
"I personally don't like it." she remarked, before turning her back to us to search in her backpack. I suddenly felt Nicky's middle and index fingers as they played lightly on my clit. He bit my ear as his fingers began to play with my wet, dripping pussy. Nicky froze, as Marie turned towards us. She moved towards the  door, before stopping to turn to us.

"Well, I'll leave you two . . cuddling." Nicky buried his head into the nape of my as she walked out the door.

No means no.

"Nicky" I want you to fuck me. I want you to push me onto your bed and grab my hair. I want you to tell me that after you're done, I'm never going to want to fuck anyone else buy you. Take some rope and tie my hands so I can't move. I want to moan as you blindfold me and tell me that if I play right, I'll get a nice treat at the end.


<= That was in the open letter to Nicky. He never got it and I doubt that he ever will. Last week, I tried my damnedest to be as neutral as possible and to not say anything sexual. I succeeded until I learned that he had a play toy and realized that was the breaking of the end.No sex, no talking about sex, no flirting with the sex line. He got a new play toy and that changed him. Why would someone want custard when they had their fill of ice cream?

That would be fun. . .

It's been happening to me again, a spark of lust. Not as much as before but it's there, struggling to break free. Here's some more things that have passed through my head.

   I'm in panties and a cami. I distinctly remember that in this daydream, my panties are lacy black boyshorts. My cami is a dark blue and I'm wrestling with this faceless guy. I'm laughing as he pins my arms above my head, my legs wrapping around his waist. It's all a joke until he pushes himself too near me. I realize that his shorts are dangerously close to my panties and my panties grow wet in anticipation. His breath grows labored as I squirm underneath him. My eyes lock onto his adam's apple, before seizing my opportunity to change positions. I squat over his chest as he tries to rotate his body, hoping to catch me off guard but I'm prepared. His eyes drift to my panties as his hands being to pinch my ass. He stops for moment as I being to chuckle. The silence grows as I look at him and he looks everywhere but at my face.

"What?" I ask hesitantly
"Your nose." he replies with disgust as I leap off his chest. I turn my back to him as my hands instantly move to cover my nose from I search for tissue. Something hits me and I sprawl to the floor, his legs wrapping around my hips and his hands encircle my chest. I try to get away but I only succeed in
"Never trust a person whose trying to win a game." He whispers in my ear as I jerk in his embrace. I'm going to lose, I think to myself when it hits me.  I'll pinch his inner thigh until he lets me loose!
   I take my right hand and slowly drift it down to the small of my back before nestling on my ass. I continue struggling as my fingers catch fabric instead of skin. All movement stops as I feel something hard pressing against my palm. He inhales deeply as my palm and ass start to slowly rub into his groin. His fingers begin to move in circles around my nipple as he murmurs softly in my ear, "Why are you such a bad girl?"

His free hand advances from my waist to my lacy, wet center. Delicately, ever so lightly, gliding his fingers over the fabric as I shudder at the shockwaves it sends my body. Whimpering, he nuzzles my ear before slapping my ass and throwing me off his lap. Whining, I lay my face onto the carpet and breathe in deeply. The beige carpet muffles the sound of him crawling towards me. The air hits my vagina before I feel his moist, tongue on my lips. Crying out loud, I beg him to stop teasing me. He huffs in mock anger, before I feel his tongue disappear and be replaced by something warm and human. His cock slowly enters me as I pant in anticipation. His fingernails grip my hips as he tries to settle himself, before slowly moving in and out.

Your bed, my dream

         It's a rainy Sunday, and we're lying in bed. I'm wearing nothing but my bra and I'm having an intense sexual dream. In it, your mustache is slowly tickling my neck while your fingers work their way into my panties. Soft kisses turn into passionate ones as your tongue explores my mouth. Your fingers have hooked themselves around my underwear as you pull me free. The cool air hits my vagina before feeling the warmth of your tongue as you lap me up. My hands pull you more into me as my thighs start to twitch and in my dream, I murmur, "Fuck me baby. Fuck me now."
         You gently grab my hands and undo your face from my pussy as I whimper. I instantly feel something poking my pussy lips. Something is rubbing itself along my cunt, marinating in my juices. I sigh once I feel the slight stab of you impaling yourself on me, before moving at a turtle pace. I grip your back as I try to get you as close to me as possible. Your chest squeezes my breast as you slide in and out. I moan and bite my lip before realizing that this dream feels too real. I open my eyes to see my face buried into your neck as you work up the pace. I can't help myself as my hand falls from your back to rub my clit. You move up as you watch me trying to move up and down your shaft while rubbing my clit into oblivion. Holding my legs above your neck, you pound my pussy as I scream in delight, begging you to fuck me until there's nothing left.

Daydream

In my daydream, we're sitting across the table from some friends. Groaning inwardly, I move my arm from my lap and rest it on your lap. You don't notice as your in deep conversation about sports. Biting my lip, I rub the inside of your thigh as you stop in mid sentence, your eyes growing into slits. You cough before apologizing for forgetting your point. The three of us look at you concerned, or rather they do, while I continue to caress your now growing erection. You sputter once again before beginning again as my hand slips silently into your pants.

I love boxers for the reason that I have room to play with you and no one's the wiser. I stroke your cock as your thighs jerk involuntarily before your hand moves between us. Still talking, you snake your hand up my skirt before finding my panties, as you ever so lightly, trace the wetness of my panties. I clench my legs together, trapping your hand in my warm flesh, begging you to read my mind. To excuse yourself to the bathroom, so you can take me in the bathroom. But it never comes.

Instead, your cell phone rings causing me to unclench and you to answer it. Both of us, very horny and very upset at being interrupted.

Last fuck

It's heartbreaking when it's the last fuck.
You know there's nothing left and yet, you still try to mend it. Like scooping water out of a sinking boat with a cup.
Your fingers invade my wet pussy as you roughly fuck me with them.
I try to stifle my groans as you watch me with a sneer.
You'd love to see my tears. They'd taste so sweet on your tongue as you'd win control over my body.
Your mistake comes when you lean over to kiss me on the lips. My lips crush you as I throw myself into your lap. You're unprepared as you fingers leave my body to pull me closer to the bulge in your jeans. My dress hikes up as you dry hump me. I moan as your tongue invades my mouth and I hate that. I back away before coming close again, to bite you on the bottom lip. You cringe and in your knee jerk reaction, my hair is pulled back.
I yelp as your teeth sink into my left breast, before feeling your fingers unzip your pants and little you comes out. I reach for the condom on the table and you grab my hand. It's odd that this is the first and last time that we'll ever have sex and you won't put it on. You notice my hesitation before you grind yourself into my wet panties. I relent as your hands grope between us, circling me once more before feeling the pain as you jab your cock into me. I inhale sharply as you begin to a rhythm that alternates between soft and rough. As I cry out in pain and pleasure, grab my hips as you rise up and lower me to the ground.

You know how much I hate missionary but that doesn't stop you as you increase your speed. With each slam, my groans increase as your eyes become slits. I begin to squeeze my kegel muscles in hopes of you coming first, but you smile as your thumb, flicks my clit over and over again. You lean your entire body over me, as you whisper dirty words in my ear. I get wetter and wetter as you continue speaking in soft tones. Kissing my cheek, you bend your head to bite my neck and I lose it. I come as you smile, as if to say, "Checkmate."

A comment then another fantasy

I recently saw this video today and it begged the question, "Why are men so scared of women seeing them masturbate?"



I've always been fascinated by men touching themselves, working their member as they grow closer and closer to the edge. The frantic movement that they make, the fluttering of their eyes, the little quakes that happen to their bodies. All of it is sexy and I don't know why they try to hide it.



What the fu-

My fantasy has to do with the library.
Something about doing it where there's a ton of books sounds great. It's a game that I've planned in my head. I wear my tightest dress, with the fuck me peek a boo heels and it's a windy day. I'm holding my fuck buddy, Nick's hand as we walk into this library. The library has five floors, including the basement. I say to him that I have a big surprise for him but first I have to check out a book that's on the second floor.  I  quickly run up stairs and disappeared into a vacant room.

After ten minutes, Nick texted me with "Wat's taking so long?" At thirty minutes, I'd feel my cell phone vibrate. Chuckling to myself, I answered. "Hello?"
"Where the fuck are you? Did you forget we're supposed to go-"
"Wait," I cut him off. "I didn't forget. I did it on purpose." Smirking, at the possible anger that was radiating through him.
"Why would you do that?" He said through clenched teeth.
"Because I want you to fuck my brains out." I'd rush out before continuing.
 "I've been in the bathroom touching my pussy, while thinking about how I need it now. I've needed this fuck for so long and baby, you should hear how wet I am."
I'd set my leg on the toilet seat, then place the phone near my vagina as the sounds of the fingers fucking myself loudly bounced along the walls. Groaning, I'd stop myself as I'd bring the phone back to my ear.
"You have twenty minutes. Once you find me, we'll fuck. No matter where. Good Luck!" before closing the phone.
Snickering, I run of out the bathroom to find another hiding place.

Five minutes left til the deadline is over and Nick hasn't found me yet. I glance around the deserted library row before lowering the camera part to my underwear. The row itself can fit three people and I use that to my advantage. I straddle the floor as I bring the camera to my skirt and then lift it to reveal my red panties. The sound of the camera's click along with a snicker cause me to look up. A pair of eyes stare at me through the open slots of the library shelves and I freak out silently. The eyes light up before disappearing to the left of the row. I stick my face near where the eyes were as I hear a grumble.
 " I found you." Nick mocks me as he comes around the corner. I start to turn before he commands me to stand exactly as he found me.
I grew wet with anticipation as he leans over me, lightly breathing in my ear. Nibbling on my neck, Nick grabbed my breast before stopping to turn to me.

"Come on. We're going to be late." Tapping me on the back, he turned around and left.

Fun, Lots of fun.

Do you really want to know what happened from my last post?

It started out innocently enough with talks of meeting for drinks, online. I had downed three drinks beforehand, whereas Aaron was on his second. I showed up at the bar to find Aaron outside, sitting by the benches that were overlooking the lake. It was humid, hot Australian December. He was smiling to himself, his dark hair nestled to his shoulders. I slid next to him, as he looked up from his drink.

"Hey." He mumbled as he looked down into his ale bottle.

"Hey." I smiled as I looked at him, my eyes drinking in the scene. The entire place was silent with bursts of people laughing now and then. Getting drunken courage, I leaned in before whispering, "What if I were to touch your dick? What would you do?"
His looked caught off guard before looking at me with expectation. Giggling to myself, I leaned into neck and bit his neck, as my hands played with his zipper. I gasped once I felt his warm member in my hand. No underwear, I thought as I licked my fingers.
"Not here." Aaron said in a hushed as he grabbed my hand. "Let's go somewhere else."
"My place?" I asked as he stared into my eyes. With a smirk, he nodded and motioned for me to lead the way.

    We got back to my place and the humidity met us. Brad wiped his brow before asking me to turn on the air. With my back to him, I heard him fidget with his beat buckle and shoes as I started to smile. I faced him to see his ass in the air, him bending over to take off his shoes. Humming, I waited until I heard my bed springs move before returning to the bed. I kneeled in front of him as his member stared at me with it's one eye. Licking my hand, I opened my mouth before taking him into my mouth.

TBC

Day 2 of the dry spell

It's ending on day two of my quest to be celibate. I haven't fucked myself, I haven't been fucked and I'm thinking about how long I can go. That being said, I still have a tiny part of me that wants to be fucked. That wants to feel someone's body on top of me as they slide in and out. That's what I want.


So without further ado, here's my open letter to a guy that I will not ever fuck.(Mainly because he doesn't see himself in me at all.)

Not so pretty
By: Me

         I was in work today, my red nails typing on the register when it hit me. This wave of heat radiated its way into my skull as I thought about you, taking me behind the register. How your hands would feel as they'd pull my hair back. The hotness of your breath as you'd ask me if this is what I want to do. To show the customers how much of a slut I really am. Biting my neck as one of your hands would travel down my body, before slowing opening my pants and fucking my clit. This was my saving grace at work today and then I read your email.
         Part of me doesn't care that you're in love with someone else. It's just sex to me and that part wants to just lose itself in random sex. To not feel anything at all but pain of fucking. I'd wish you would agree so I could imprint myself onto you. So you'd remember me in every shape, way and form. To see scratch marks years later and smile at how I made them. I'd love for you to be as violent as possible to me during sex, so I'd remember why I'm alone. I'd grin at the fucking my holes, as if I'm nothing but a play thing for you to fuck. Damn the emotions and exes and just fuck with nothing but lust.

But you're a good person and that's why the huge part of me is glad you said what you said in your email. Mainly because I'm too fucked up to get fucked at the moment.

Lost in Translation

Here's a little fantasy that's been running through my mind. It'll never happen because I A.) Know the person and they'd never do it and B.) They're talking to a friend. Or were talking to them. (But I can still think this.)

It's late and I'm working hard at the editing room. There's only two people besides me in the room, Ryan and Joesph. I know Ryan from talking to him in class. He's a funny person and really inappropriate at times. Joseph, is the tech guy that helps you with anything and all that goes wrong.

At two in the morning, I started drinking and messaging Ryan on facebook. At first, it started out innocently with, "You know you want me" and "Boo you whore!", before progressing to "I want you to fuck me" and his response of "I'd cum all over your body." The conversation grew so much that I had to tell him exactly how I felt.
"I'm so wet right now. My panties are soaked through. :-) I can get three fingers in but it's a stretch. Two are just snug and feel so great."

4:25 am, I reveled in telling him how if we were alone, I'd get on my knees and crawl to him. How I'd place my head on his lap and beg him to fuck my cunt. He responded that everything had changed as I wrote that nothing had changed since we'd never get to see what if.


4:30,  Joseph decided that he had to go home. I cursed at myself as I watched Joseph walk out of the room, leaving the two of us in it alone. The only thing you could hear in the room was the sound of our breathing and a random mouse click. It wasn't until the outside door shut, that I realized that I had been saving my breath in anticipation. Ryan didn't say anything as I turned to watch him, hunched over his chair.  "So. . " I began, "it looks like we're alone." Silence greeted me as he continued to edit his footage. Huffing, I rolled back to my desk, before hearing, "You should get naked." I blinked rapidly as he turned around to face me.

Another thing to add

In high school I had this dream, and as I've gotten older the dream has stayed the same. Only thing to change are the players.

~Prom Dream~
In the dream I'm at a house party and I'm looking for this guy that I have an immense crush. He's funny, sexy, tall and all I can think about is what he'd be like in bed. I'm looking for him when I see him on the stairs. He locks his eyes with me before beckoning me to follow him. I smile before walking through the huge mass of people. As soon as I get to the top of the stairs, he grabs my waist and begins to kiss me intensely. He pulls me towards this door as he whispers that he's going to give me something to scream about. The room is pitch black dark and I can't see anything. I hear him laugh, as his fingers trace up my back to my head. He covers my face with something and tells me to not move it or else we won't play our game.

I'm lying naked on this bed as he begins to touch my breasts and stomach. I'm squirming under his touch as he opens my legs and begins to eat me. "Keep it on!" he grumbles when I try to pull it off. As soon as I feel an orgasm coming, I beg for him to fuck me or else I'll cum. He stops all together and minutes pass before I feel him in between my legs. His cock rubs my pussy lips and I groan as he enters me. It's slow at first as I adjust to his size. He smells of musk and axe. Slowly he pumps into me as I groan and pull him closer into me. "Faster. Faster." I ask as my heels dig into his back. My breast jiggle to his humping, I hear our panting. From faraway, I hear a tiny voice ask in my ear, "Is it really me your fucking? Or someone else?" Before biting my ear.

Oh God, my brain screams. GET OUT!! I try to get up but the bodiless voice has hands. Great big hands that caress my breasts as it hisses, "Stay. We want you to stay." One of the hands continue down my stomach and to my clit as the other one opens something. I can hear something being opened followed by something warm and sticky being placed on my nipple. Whatever it is, it's leaking. I open my mouth to ask the voice what the hell it's doing to my breasts, but it takes the opportunity to stick whatever that was my breasts into my mouth. I taste salt like anchovies and my mouth begins to water at the prospect of this object in my mouth. It feels warm and hard. Almost like a warm rubber glove. Except. . . is that veins? My mouth's too full to ask but he answers just the same. "Like that cock, huh bitch? Yeah, I knew you would."

And in this dream, I'm excited as all fuck because I have someone fucking my snatch and I'm choking on cock. I'd love to have that happen in real life. Fuck.

ugh

I am so wet right now it's not even funny.
I want to fuck or at least talk to someone. The funny thing is that I had this short thing going on in my head.

I'm at Bond and I'm sitting by lake Orr when I see Mike or "Eric". We make small talk before he ask me wha'ts up. "What's up?" I nearly yell. "Do you really want to know what's up with me or just listen to a lie?" He sits down and looks at me with his eyes. "Yes. I do."

I sigh before replying, "I'm so fucking horny right now. I've tried fingers, dildos and nothing fucking works. It's been 4 long ass months and I need cock right now. And if any guy were to come up to me right now and rub my leg, I'd fuck him. I swear to God!" And in this daydream of mine, the guy would smile and then as if he didn't believe me, he'd rub my leg before I'd slap it away.
"I'm serious man. I seriously will fuck the shit out of you. " He'd continue before I grabbed his collar and pulled it forward. I'd gruffly say, "I swear to all that is good and holy that I will jump into your lap, hump you like there's no tomorrow and seriously fuck you. Don't play unless you really want me to."
And then he'd rub my leg, gently as I'd lose my shit and jump into his lap. I'd crush his lips with mine as my crotch would grind into his. I'd take his right hand and bring it to my breast as I'd beg him to fuck me in his ear. That I needed it so badly and that I was so wet. That's when I'd take his other hand and guide him to the front of my dress before slipping his fingers inside my panties to feel how wet I am. "See?" I'd mutter as his fingers would begin to dance on my clit. I'd cry out as his hard on would press into my wet, black panties.
Wrapping my legs around him, I'd pull my dress to look as if we just making out. Then I'd go between us and I'd free his cock out of his pants and look at him. He'd look around before taking his fingers out of my pussy and touch his cock. He'd rub it down before rubbing my pussy again for more lube.
I'd sigh before opening my legs and spearing myself onto his cock. I'd moan as he'd bite my throat, before beginning to silently fuck me.

Lust and Caution

I'm watching Lust and Caution. It's so fucking bloody with how the guys are killing this one man.
Right now my sexual thoughts are like this movie, but not as violent.

I blame the atmosphere of Australia.


I've had the first dream since walking by what I call "Rape Forest" by Uni. There's a huge line of trees that litter the sides of the sidewalk. You can't see through them when it's dark and I say that you could be taken down into "Rape Forest" and no one would know.


~First dream~
I'm walking towards my apartment, as I hear someone behind me. I stop to turn around and there's no one there. All I can hear is the sound of leaves being stepped on. Before I can run, someone grabs me by my waist and pulls me to their chest. I can tell it's a guy, but his voice is disguised. I apologize for having five dollars and nothing of value as he snickers. "Who the hell says I want any of your fucking money? Now move." He pushes me in front of him, towards the trees, before noticing my right hand grasped in a fist. I open my hand to reveal my keys before he snatches them away. It dawns on me that I could and might die down here. I gasp once I feel his hand, pulling on the back my neck. "If you try anything I'll shoot."

My breathing becomes frantic as the words sink in. His hand travels down from my neck to the small of my back. Goose pimples begin to form on my arms as my nipples react. FUCK! I think to myself as we come to a small clearing in the forest. He clamps his hand over my mouth, as I silently will myself to not get wet and to stay dry. Once his other hand snakes over my breasts, my pelvis ignores me as I grow wetter by the minute. What makes it unbearable, is his hard cock rubbing against my ass. My mind instantly imagines him riding me as I grow sopping wet. As if reading my mind, his hand travels downward as it reaches my jeans. His fingers open my button as I start to move. Desperate to get him away from my panties but it's not to be. His hand cups me before jumping into my underwear. His fingers find my cunt and begin to revel in my wet pussy. He chuckles before leaning into my ear."You like this, you fucking slut?" he questions before rubbing my clit. I grunt as my hips begin to rock back and forth on his hand, trying to get some release. He releases his hand on my mouth, as I moan out loud. He sticks his middle finger deep into me as my pussy takes on a mind of it's own and rides his hand. He bends us onto the ground. Me in front and him like a dog about to fuck a bitch in heat. I hear the rustling of the trees, and his breathing before the unzipping of pants. Immediately, I pull my jeans down and arch my back, as if saying, I want you to fuck me. He grab my hips, before I feel him position himself to my pussy. He thrusts himself into me, as I milk him. I feel the thickness of his cock as he slowly pulls out, to only push in savagely. I feel him pull my hair as my ass bounces on his thighs.
I find my voice and plead, "Fuck me harder, please God. Just fuck me harder." He slaps my ass, before picking up speed. Minutes pass as I feel my orgasm begin to build. He must sense it for he begins to rub my clit and pinch my nipples. I get to the edge as his lips rest on my neck while he fucks me.
"Bite me." I stammer out as his hand stops groping my breasts.
"What?" he asks, quietly.
"Bit me." and with that, I feel his teeth sink into my neck. Stars explode in my eyes as I see myself outside my body, being fucked senselessly by the guy I danced with at the pub.
~El Fin~

That's one of the daydreams that I've been having since walking near that scary ass forest.