Dear Weather, fuck you

I didn't fuck him. 

Let me back up a bit and say that I like him. I like him for being resistant against my bad faults and for having a sense of humor. That being said, I wrote that post hoping that he'd see it and say something.

Instead, he was focused on his project and less on the computer screen. I tried several times and about ten minutes or more passed before he looked up and read the screen. His exact words were, "Ok. . . Well. Are you going to go capture now?"

I then talked about getting Ice Cream and we left for Pizza Shuttle. We talked as he drove us there and it felt nice.

Do I talked about sex a lot? Yes. Do I want sex? Kind of. I'd like it but not all the time. And I felt giddy as we ate pizza and drank Icee's and talked about jobs and school and the future.

Shits & Giggles (My rant about safe sex)

I've been masturbating more and more incessantly. Based on past things, I get more and more hornier as I near my period. The damn thing is about two weeks later but that's due to gaining more and more weight.

I read a blog on a man who talked about Too Many Partners. The entire article reeked of sexism as he said that he wouldn't want to date a woman whose had a lot of sexual partners. Read this:

". . .I would just tell [my girl] that I don’t know my number but the number doesn’t even matter on my behalf because I’m a man. [Laughs] I actually don’t even know my number. I haven’t really added it up."

I'm probably at a weird moment in my life but I cringed at that. He admitted to not knowing his number and laughed about it. My mind screamed, "Dirty. That's fucking dirty!" (I realize that it's wrong for me to judge him but there's a reason. After seeing a documentary on STI's, I've been wondering just how many people have had unprotected sex time after time after time.) Plus, he took photos of himself engaging in unprotected sex.
       My main thing is that I've been thinking about protection when having sex and not focusing on just the here and now. I'm guilty of not protecting myself once during sex, and it was. . . Never again. I feel as if I'm an old woman to want people to be careful, use condoms, dental dams and etc when they have sex.

       Some of my friends are in committed relationships and feel the need to not protect themselves at all. I feel as if I'm a negative Nancy for wanting to have at least birth control and a condom. If I were to get into a long term relationship, I'd want them to use condoms all the time. I know people slip up but I don't want to be a statistic. I also want to get tested regularly with the person to ensure that we're safe while using condoms as a backup. It's better to be safe than sorry.

This is what I like

This is what I usually end up liking. Tall, lanky, skinny guys who have some part of a five o'clock shadow. A protruding adam's apple that dares me to touch it. Long fingers with trimmed nails and a distinct aura of innocence, with an undertone of danger.

Congratulations

     A day ago, I went on facebook to see Jared logged onto facebook chat. As soon as I clicked onto his name, BAM! He was off. The funny thing is that today, I saw that he mentioned how he was the luckiest man in the world and was currently in a relationship.   -_-  

   Congrats to him, I just wish that I hadn't sent any texts to him. Had I known that he was talking to another woman, I wouldn't have sent him stuff or tried anything. I don't like that feeling of stepping on another woman's toes. And this makes me feel as if I were just a stepping stone to get a girlfriend.


   I listened to my "He's Just Not That Into You" and realized just how much I've fallen. After listening to it, I immediately went to my facebook profile and started deleting all inappropriate photos of me. (Some were I was wearing a cami, looking suggestive fully clothed, anything that would have caused my grandmother alarm before her death was gone.)


I don't know what any of this means, it's just that right now. At this very moment, I never want to think, talk or hint at sex to another human being let alone a guy. I've portrayed myself as this sex vixen and it's gotten me nowhere. The guys that I've liked have seen this side and gone on to have girlfriends, wives or become celibate. I talked to a guy while I was waiting in line and I had fun. I didn't talk about sex, we just talked and even though the conversation was kind of shallow I enjoyed it.
          For once, I didn't make myself into what I thought someone would want me to be. I wasn't a plaything, I wasn't a hole for someone to fuck. I was just me and I was a nameless woman who had fun talking to a guy about movies.

Say say say

           I don't want to have sex ever again. My vagina doesn't care to have something or someone push against it or taste it. My mind is blocked and all I can think about how sex is not special, not good, interesting, fun or exciting anymore. It's just something people do when they're bored.


         Let me back up

*le sigh* I added Nicky onto facebook again  and we somewhat talked. He thought we had stopped due to him not sending nude photos when it was something entirely different. After I told him why I deleted him as a friend he apologized but there wasn't . . . I didn't care. A few months ago, I would have looked into this and that and carried a torch but now? I can barely drum up anything but a "I hope he sincerely finds whatever it is that he's looking for." He's a cool guy but I'm numb to him. I don't want to do anything with him or with Jared.

Oh yes, Jared. I send him racy texts but honestly, I don't care. I send him the texts, I mention what I want to do to him but I don't really want to do anything. I don't want to have sex with any of my male friends, or make out with them.

          The reason for that is because I've watched Dare Dorm where there's been a few clips of women of color. Out of the three videos that have women of color, only one has the guy seeking her out. In the other two, she's demure and that's why the guy's fucking her or she's overtly sexual, leaving her alone because the guys don't want to fuck her until they've fucked their main girl. My sex life for the last two years has been like this. I've had sex with two guys but it's because I've been aggressive in seeking them out. I saw myself as the woman who was overtly sexual and realized just how pathetic it was. The guys made it known that they weren't interested but she didn't get the hint. She kept interrupting couples and trying to get the guys to sleep with her. Wasn't until the butt end that the guys did. But by that time, he couldn't keep it up and they kept having to stop and she'd have to give him head to get him hard again.

            Based on my past actions with Nicky and Jared, I'm her. I'm throwing myself at these guys and hoping that one will look at me and want to do something. Here's the thing: THEY DON'T WANT TO. If I had looked at things, I would have noticed it in the emails and facebook messages and their actions. But like her, I think I was looking for something that wasn't there.

Sometimes I scare myself

In my dark times, I scare myself. I conjure up things, images, acts that I wish I could play but know I wouldn't. I dart back and forth between the lines, when I complain about how you're not emotional. My nails pull at your hair, ripping out follicles. I secretly melt and shudder at the thought of your eyes wet with tears and your face red from me slapping you. 

I get intoxicated at the thought of you digging your nails into my flesh, leaving half crescent moons into the meat of my arms. Slamming me against the wall, crying out in fear and excitement as your fists pound on the wall. Whimpering as you yell at me in controlled anger. On impulse, I'd smirk at the fact you lost control and I made you feel this way. 

This never happens however. You simply shake your head at my statement and turn away, as I try to goad you on your lack of emotion.

Article

I agree with 10, 9, 7-1. 8? Not so much. . . .



Women's top 10 Fantasies

Damnit

It seems that nothing ever really happens. I told you that I'd get rid of his number and I would block him from my news feed. I did that and stopped masturbating for a total of . . . five days? Then I caved, downloaded new porn and came in a matter of seconds. He then texted me out of the blue and I promptly fell asleep, as I had work the next morning. Since then. . . NADA.

I've been overtexting him and it's hit me that he's a Pisces. I knew he was a Pisces before hand but I've been reading my sextrology book on Pisces and Scorpion males. (Which has some interesting items of what gets them off.) I personally like being pursued and I don't feel comfortable being the aggressive one. I want him to text me silly and tell me when he's available for this eating me out. However, I know that by the time he does get ready, I will probably be on my period again or some other shit will happen.

Oh and some stuff about Pisces and Scorpio.  :-/

Fun times ahead

I am challenging myself to see how long I can go.

My objective is to see how long I can go without sex. No racy texts, no dirty facebook messages, no dry humping, making out, no attempts at vaginal, oral or anal sex. And absolutely, NO masturbation.

Here are the rules:

• Since he's already hidden from me on the newsfeed and blocked on foxfire, I'm deleting his number from my cell phone.
• I'm deleting all 10 GB of porn off the hard drive.
• Instead of staying up looking at porn, I'll go to bed.
• If I have to masturbate, I can only masturbate for thirty minutes every seven days.
• If I get the urge, I'll look at something gross or imagine the most fucked up images that I've seen and blocked from my head.

This entire thing starts . . .right. . NOW

Never got around to it

This shit is getting real old. 

To make a long story short, some stuff went down and I wasn't able to see Jared. I sent him a text about not meeting and haven't gotten a response. A few weeks ago, he was frank about sex and now? Nothing. Same thing happened with Nicky and that's when he mentioned that he had sex with another woman.


Ah. It makes sense now.

He loves pussy

Jared, a guy from my childhood got in contact with me a few weeks ago. I had been thinking of him when he contacted me on facebook. The whole reason for this post is that I have been kind of thinking of him sexually. I didn't mean to but I have. He mentioned that he thought I was sexy and would do things to me. Here's what's exciting. Wait for it.

He likes


eating


pussy.

I've only mentioned eating my pussy to one person, (Max) and that never happened. He mentioned diseases and taking tests and then having precaution against that. I remember when I was wet as we were fucking and I brought my fingers to his mouth and he jerked away as he mentioned how it wasn't safe. I had taken the tests but oh no, nothing from his court. He didn't like me giving oral sex (which I gave with a  condom) because it was demeaning to women. Jesus fucking Christ!

But to know there's a guy out there that wants to suck on my lips. To fuck me with his tongue and get off on eating me. My God. I am really wet and scared.
Mainly scared because I've tasted myself before. I've licked my fingers and tasted salt and I liked it. But who knows what he likes.

What I like

It's weird how I never really paid attention to my "type". My type is seems is fucked up. I like people. I love a woman whose curvy around the waist and has long hair. She's wearing either fuck me heels or boots to make herself taller. She's a girlie femme in make up and perfume and lipstick. I like studs (black version of butch) who have short hair and could pass for male, except that her breasts have a way of sticking out. She wears do rags and baggy pants and has a way to make me cream my pants like that.

Now, my type of men is much, much different. For some reason, I have a particular thing that I look for. The guy is taller than me, brown hair that's either super long or short. He's a lanky white boy who has something about him. He's odd or fucked up in some way that interests me. He talks to almost everyone and he's great at making jokes. I like him because I think about what it would be like to have sex with him. How I'd ride his small body into oblivion. He wears glasses either for reading or wears them all the time. He has a large adam's apple and has a tattoo on his arm. Or several. He looks younger or IS younger than me by at few days, months or even four years.

Why don't you?

Before I begin, I decided to add a whose who on here. Mainly because I haven't written everything down on here.

First is Max. I liked him a lot, I lost my virginity to him and we are. . .I don't know.We're talking and today, I remembered all the good things and bad things that I did to him. The last time we talked, we both said things and I was  . . . horrid to the cancer boy. :-/

Then there's Ryan who I met in Australia. We aren't talking at the moment because he pissed me off over something stupid.

Finally, there's Nicky. Tall, lanky, brown haired Nicky with tats and glasses. I don't know why a man with glasses, a smirk and tats makes me drool. It's because as a woman who is overweight, I can ride the skinny guy. I'm the only big person in the bed and I can let go.

As a Scorpio, I tend to drop friendships and I wish that I didn't. I wish that I was strong and nice and kind and beautiful and a great person.

I've been wanting to be free for a while when really, I don't want to. Doesn't make sense? I've faked what I've wanted to please others. I have no idea what it is that I really want. I'd love to be in a relationship with someone and have it mean a damn. To have them kiss my lips and wake up in the morning with them.

My vagina & Nicky

I'm a Scorpio and a damn proud one, first and foremost. The thing that I've been thinking about mostly, is people that I'm attracted to. I wrote about it at the beginning and I feel like I should better describe what it is that I like.

I've been wanting to be fucked while tied up. I have bondage tape and my mind has been racing on things. I've always wondered what I've felt like with men. When I was messing around with ___, he lying on top of me, his arms resting as he was swaying in and out. I remember looking up at him and asking him how I felt. I'll never forget the answer he gave me. He looked at me with clouded eyes and strangled out "Tight. Wet." and I felt sexy at that. I was a virgin and he was my first and I felt sexy because of how my vagina made him feel. It was tight and wet and he could come because of it. I'd practice my kegels whenever I'd get on top, because he'd groan and beg me to stop or else he'd come.


I don't know what happened with Nicky but we've hit a wall. He's no longer interested in my sex talk and I can't really seem to want to talk about it. The last few times that I've been talking to him have been me engaging conversation with him and he's afraid of me. I shouldn't have said that I wanted to rape him and I shouldn't have sent him that photo of me with my bra. (However, had I known that the photo had a link to my pussy and tits photos then I wouldn't have sent him the damn thing in the first place!)

I have yet to see his goods although with how everything is going, I don't want to. I'm sad to say that I'm over wanting to fuck him or liking him like that. He's now on my never speaking to again list.

fucking

sex

I saw this and I had to cut and paste. Mainly because I really, really needed to. (Taken from  Just fuck me )

Found this craigslist post a little while ago. Freaking HYSTERICAL. Enjoy.

Dear Men of Craigslist,
Look, I know you men have it difficult. Women are just about impossible to understand, much less please. In a post-feminist society, you never know exactly what you should be doing. Women are bloody picky, I know we are. It can be scary, too, when women freak out about what appear to be benign issues. And men who do their best to be respectful, female-positive humans, I salute you, I do.

       But please, please just fuck me already. Honestly, I appreciate your thoughtfulness. I like that you want to take things slow. I can totally get behind the idea of emotional connection, but dearjesusinheaven, FUCK ME. We’ve done dinner and drinks. We’ve gone dancing. We’ve cuddled and watched a movie. I’m wearing a low cut shirt and you’ve been staring at my breasts all night. Goodgodalmighty, get to it and fuck me.
         When we get hot and heavy, please take charge. Please, please fuck me. Trust me, I’m not going to just lie still – I’ll get involved. But don’t make me force your hand into my panties. That makes me feel like a rapist. We’ve been kissing for a half hour and your hand keeps grazing my ass. That’s nice, but it’s time to move forward. Get on top of me. Don’t make me get on top right out of the gate and start bobbing up and down on your cock like I’m practicing some crazy new aerobic yoga because YOU won’t go down on me. Roll on top and start dry humping like a good boy should. Don’t gently suck my nipples and then pull back when I moan with pleasure. You being coy is totally not what I want. It’s not what WE want.
OK, I know it’s scary. There are lots of women out there who make fucking really difficult. So, I have compiled some handy tips. Don’t think of this as complaining, or as schadenfreude for the Andrea Dworkins of the world. Just some simple tips, for timid men who have forgotten what it means to fuck like men:


1. Taking charge is not bad. Oh, there will be some women who feel that you are pushy. If you are making out with a woman, and she starts to push back, ask nicely if things are moving too fast. If she says yes, say something like “I’m sorry – you just look so fucking delicious. I’ll go slower.” Otherwise, skillfully move forward. If you start kissing a woman, and she responds well, and before long, you’re both on the floor with her skirt pushed up, and you on top of her, it’s not the time to roll onto your back and start awkwardly stroking the top of her head. Seriously, grow a goddamn pair. YOU’RE the man. Act like one.


2. Ohmyfuckinggod, please learn to respect the clit. It’s different for every woman, so ask what she likes. Do not, I repeat, do not just wiggle your fingers around her pussy like you’re trying to tickle her. Do not drum your fingertips against her vulva like you are impatiently waiting at the Sears Tire Center for your receipt. Do not push the clit like it is a doorbell at some house that you need to get inside of. Start by using all four fingers with firm yet gentle pressure against the outside of her pussy. Do not charge in with a single finger and start jabbing at things. And if you really don’t know what to do, ask her. Just ask. “How do you like it?”. It’s a simple question, and most women will answer straight out. If she’s being all coy, ask “Do you like pressure? Is it sensitive?” The clitoris is a varied item, indeed. Treat each one as though you have never encountered one before. Forget everything that your last partner liked.


3. Most women like to be fucked, and fucked well. Yes, there are women out there who want to “make love” every time – sweet, gentle, rocking love with lots of eye contact and loving kisses. Those women are not the majority. The majority like to be pounded. The majority like to have their hair pulled. The majority like a good, solid jackhammering. When a woman is bucking wildly against you, it’s not because she wants you to pull back and slowly swirl your cock around her vagina like you’re mixing a cake batter up there. It’s because she wants you to hold down her arms, or grab her hips, or push her legs above her head, and fuck her harder. Don’t be too afraid of what this means as far as gender equality goes – I am a raging feminist bitch, but I still want to be penetrated like you are planning on fucking my throat from the inside out.


4. A little roughness is nice. Do not pretend that you had no idea that some women like their hair pulled. Do not act shocked if she wants you to spank her (“Really? Spanking? Won’t it hurt?” – yes, it does. That’s the fucking point). We know you’ve read Stuff and Maxim, and that’s all those laddie mags talk about in their “How to Please Her” sections. Start with light, full handed smacks to the area of her ass that she sits on. Judge her response and continue on from there. You don’t have to bend her over one knee and tell her she’s a naughty girl and that Daddy’s going to punish her; save that for the fifth date. Women are less delicate than you think, so don’t worry about breaking her hip.


5. It’s OK for you to make noise. Otherwise, we feel like we are fucking a ninja. Unless you actually are a ninja, and have sneaked into our rooms with vibrating nanuchaku and zippered black pajamas, please, please make some noise. If you’re banging a woman, and she’s crying out and saying your name and moaning, and you can’t even manage a grunt, she’s going to feel like an idiot. You don’t have to make the sounds she is making, but do SOMETHING. You know how when you are watching porn, and the girl does something great to the guy and the guy kind of goes “Ah!”, half grunt, half yell? That’s HOT. Do that. Whisper our name (assuming you know it) gruffly. Groan against her neck when you’re in missionary position. You don’t have to grunt like a mountain gorilla, but if you are totally mute, she’s going to get worried.


6. Most women like dirty talk, in addition to the grunting. If you’d like to get some dirty talk going, ask her if she likes the way you fuck her. If she responds well, continue with something like, “I love fucking you. God, you look so fucking hot.” Is she still moaning in response? “Your tits are so beautiful.” Does that work? If she doesn’t respond well to the term “tits”, you might have to stop there. If she keep moaning or responding, pass Go and collect $200. Try the following:
“Oh, god. Your pussy is SO tight.”
“You’re so wet – are you wet because you like the feel of my cock ramming you?”
“I think I’m going to come inside you. I’m going to fill up your little cunt.” It doesn’t matter that you’re wearing a condom; we LOVE hearing this.
If all of those work, you can then progress to things like “sexy little bitch” and “dirty whore”. Tread carefully, but please, tread. Do not tiptoe. Do not sit down. Charge.


6. You’re not obligated to eat a woman out. In return, she’s not obligated to choke on your dick. Don’t skip one and expect the other. If you do eat a woman out, the only comment you should make about her pussy is how nice it is. The length of her labia minora, the color of her interior, her waxing job or full bush – you are not John Madden. No time for color commentary.


7. Do not bitch about condoms. Oh, we hate them. Trust us. They hurt us more than they hurt you. But we don’t want to be preggers, and you don’t want to catch anything, right? Don’t whine about condom sex. Do not explain that you can’t come with one on. LEARN to come with one on, or if not, help us figure out what to do with you once we’re satisfied and it’s time for you to let loose your load.


8. We really like it when you come. It’s called a money shot for a reason. Watching semen shoot out of you is one of the most gratifying things EVER. However, do not assume that she wants you to jack it off onto her face. She might, but don’t assume. Seeing and/or feeling you come is rewarding for us, so there’s no need to deprive us of it, but please do consult us before unleashing. “I think I’m going to come – how do you like it?” is a fair question that shouldn’t rob you of your testicles.
In recent memory, I’ve been fucked by a very aggressive, manly guy, and I’ve been… well, fucked is the wrong term here. I’ve been penetrated by a total and utter wuss. Who am I going to run back to when I’m ready for my fill? Manly McHardon, that’s who.
—————————————————-
*New point of clarification – some people have brought up some really great issues in response to this post, so let me say this: I don’t mean to imply that all women like to be treated like whores. I do mean to say that most women I know have told me that they like sex rougher than most men give it to them. Rough does NOT equal chains and bondage. And this applies to the bedroom only, and does not mean that she wants you to choose her dinner for her, or treat her like less of a person.
**Some women have said that they don’t like it rough and what the hell am I thinking? Well, girls, you’re in the minority. HOWEVER, all women need to remember that, in addition to be straight forward about your sexual desires, you need to be straight forward about your sexual limits. Don’t be afraid to ask for more, but when something feels wrong, say so. Don’t ever do something you don’t want to do in silence and then blame the guy. Silence is dangerous.

No means no.

"Nicky" I want you to fuck me. I want you to push me onto your bed and grab my hair. I want you to tell me that after you're done, I'm never going to want to fuck anyone else buy you. Take some rope and tie my hands so I can't move. I want to moan as you blindfold me and tell me that if I play right, I'll get a nice treat at the end.


<= That was in the open letter to Nicky. He never got it and I doubt that he ever will. Last week, I tried my damnedest to be as neutral as possible and to not say anything sexual. I succeeded until I learned that he had a play toy and realized that was the breaking of the end.No sex, no talking about sex, no flirting with the sex line. He got a new play toy and that changed him. Why would someone want custard when they had their fill of ice cream?

Short post about threesomes

I've recently been thinking about sex more and more as time goes on. I know why that is. I have polycystic Ovarian Syndrome which can be explained here. For me personally, I've noticed that I get a hell lot more hornier a week before my period. I'll masturbate like there's no tomorrow and it's like two or three times a day. (Which sucks because I have carpal tunnel in both of my hands. Ugh!)

What got me thinking today was about a couple of videos that I saw on slutload and this photo. I have yet to see this on any threesome video on the net but it's got to happen some time.

Open letter

A few weeks ago, I was talking to a friend of mine and we were joking. Then it changed to weird and now we're avoiding each other. I feel bad but at the same time, it needed to happen. I have to remember who I am as a person and where we both are in terms of life. I'm more towards being as wild as possible where they aren't. :-/

Friends come and go but such is life.


I just now need to decide whether or not to delete them from my facebook friends.


Oh and the open letter that I wrote to them? The one that I was going to read to them? I'm burning that fucker as soon as I get home.

While I was in Australia

:-)

This is one photos that I took. I'd add more but. . . yeah.

Here's another one that I started doing as I was bored and had nothing else to do.

That was a bummer

         I got to day five and an hour before I quit. I popped in a tape and got off on women engaging in anal sex. I'm not even going to try to justify it when I know I can't. It started out innocently enough. I was in the room, playing a game when it hit me. That wave of sex that I wouldn't shake. I tried to stop it by looking at random things, but my mind wondered as did my hands.
         I told myself that I wouldn't touch as I put in the dvd for the porno. I would only touch myself if someone touched the woman's clit. Then it was alright. And suddenly I got really wet because the clips I chose, were clit touching.

And the craziest thing about these were the setup.

    The petite woman would slowly slide her butt onto the man's dick. He'd wait a bit before pulling her legs down and jerking upward to fill her.  She'd squeal as his fingers would come out of no where and revel in her pussy juice. Strong, lean fingers that would dance along her lips before slipping into her hole. She'd moan as his two fingers would gain a rhythm inside her vagina, before two would become three. . . four. Four fingers fucking her as the thumb slowly worked her clit.

I've never had anal sex but seeing those images made me wonder what I'm missing.