Good lord, I can be a fuck up at times

 I'm an evil twat, sent to cause misery.
I cut away from friendships, I snark when I'm hurt,
I cry after holding it in, and smile at pain.
I'm a jealous bitch when I see you talking to girls.
Your eyes are glowing, your smile is intoxicating and I wish I could be happy.
I wish I could say, "Good for him!"
But that'd be a lie. Hell, it's been a lie. My heart sinks, I become quiet and people ask me why I'm so down.
Part of me wants to say, "Because he doesn't like me at all! He thinks I'm a scary, creepy, cunty bitch who throws herself at men!"
But then they'd just tell me to stop liking you and move on.

I wish I didn't like you, I wish I never met you in class.
I'd love to forget your eyes and your awkward laugh.
I wish you could hold your liquor.
Anything would do, if it meant this crush would end quicker.

I wish you could tell me that you find me disgusting, that the thought of my face
makes you sick to your stomach. Tell me how silly I sound,
how my voice grates on your nerves. How every time you see me, your soul shrinks a bit as your body prepares for an attack.

I want you to hate me, from every fiber of your being. I can't have you being nice to me.
I wish you would tell me, no demand me, to leave you alone.
To stop being your facebook friend
and to go back home.

That's what I really need. I want you to tell me to stop liking you and to move on. I need to it hear from your lips, with you being serious.

I don't need hope, it confuses and scares me.